Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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