Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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