3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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