Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
