I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
