i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
