I faked an abortion last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
