Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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