How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
