we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
