Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
