You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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