I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
