RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
