You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
