Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
