My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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