[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
