She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
