Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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