Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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