I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
