I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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