life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
