I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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