So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
