i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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