She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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