Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
