Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
