Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
