it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
