when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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