Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
