i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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