i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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