If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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