Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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