Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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