Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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