if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
