Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
