East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
