he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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