Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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