Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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