Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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