I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
