Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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