i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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