my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
