I'm lost and stupid without you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
