Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
