I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
