she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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